Comments for Lyrical Meanderings

Comment on Mother’s Guilt by independentclause

independentclause — Wed, 22 May 2013 11:44:31 +0000

All I can say is that I was raised by a control freak mom, but she gave me freedom in the larger things. I only resent that she didn’t let me talk for myself (but I’ve learned) and that she never taught me to fish (I haven’t learned, but that’s my own damn fault). When I was 18, I bought her a cobalt blue mug with birds on it, and she used it every day. Now that she’s gone, I drink out of it every day too.

Comment on Mother’s Guilt by Lyra

Lyra — Wed, 22 May 2013 02:29:09 +0000

Yep, when it comes to the mother dynamic I’m as girly as they come. I give my husband credit because what you can read in a couple of minutes (or avoid completely) that poor man has to listen to until I’ve worked my way through it. I’m sure you’ve had those types of conversations with your wife where you’re praying your eyes don’t belie the fact that you checked out. Yes, we know but don’t care. We just need to work it out aloud. And by we, I mean my crazy ass.

His philosophy is more along the lines that we’re trying to raise them to be good human beings in the world and sometimes they aren’t going to like us. He’s okay with that.

Comment on Mother’s Guilt by Lyra

Lyra — Wed, 22 May 2013 02:25:28 +0000

Okay, if either of my grown-up sons buys me flowers for no reason or because they thought I’d like the color, I’d shatter into a million pieces. They’d be so frightened they’d never do it again. And the fact that he moved so close, love.
Although my husband swears that when the last one moves out we’re moving so I don’t know how that’s going to work…

Comment on Mother’s Guilt by Lyra

Lyra — Wed, 22 May 2013 02:23:26 +0000

Mary Lynne,
That’s what I’m hoping for. I’m not here in the morning getting them ready, getting them to school, getting them breakfast, but when I am here I hope they remember me being present even if it was just to watch some silly program because we were doing it together. Yay you and yay your son for telling you something that you needed to hear.

Comment on Mother’s Guilt by Lyra

Lyra — Wed, 22 May 2013 02:21:24 +0000

I read this and immediately saw the compliment to you from him. It’s so hard for boys to say what they mean, but that was a professing of love if I’ve ever seen one.
I wonder about that, Teri, if because all I see is us, I just don’t have a solid gauge on what the rest of the moms are really doing. Instead it’s just this fabrication of unreality. I do think though that some moms come to the table with more tools in their toolkit. Reading Cat’s comment above, well, I truly think she came to momdom with the deck stacked in her favor. I need Cat to be my Mom Coach.

Comment on Mother’s Guilt by Lyra

Lyra — Wed, 22 May 2013 02:18:13 +0000

You sound more like my husband, Averil. He’s at peace with who he is and when it comes to the kids he really has no internal doubt the way I do. He’s happy to give his strengths and leave the other stuff without an ounce of guilt about it.
I’m hoping to grow towards that. Maybe it has something to do with their ages and as they get older the guilt won’t be so pervasive and daunting at times.

Comment on Mother’s Guilt by Lyra

Lyra — Wed, 22 May 2013 02:16:13 +0000

Yes, Josey. Yes to all of it.
“…and the things i’m not even considering will become conversations we must navigate when we’re all adults–the kids too.” This is so true. It is probably the stuff I think I’m doing right that will come back to haunt me. I read this and had to laugh.

The one major thing that gives me peace is that every night I lay in bed with my younger son with my older one above us in his bunk. I listen to two or three of the lullabies with them and it is then, in the dark when we can’t see each other, that my older son will bring things up, things about a kid at school or something about his dad or anything really. He knows inherently somehow that he can trust that I’ll always tell him the truth. When he was three he used to have panic attacks right before bed about death, that I would die, and I think somewhere in all the madness he knows that he can trust me completely.
It’s not that I think I’m a horrible mom, it’s just that I wish I could bend to be more like the image I have in my head. Kind of like writing, I suppose.

Comment on Mother’s Guilt by Paul Lamb

Paul Lamb — Wed, 22 May 2013 01:08:24 +0000

Clearly a girly post. Still, in my youth, Dad was for rules. Mom was for comfort and compassion. I tried not to repeat that with my own. They’ll have to check in on how well I did.

Nice post.

Comment on Mother’s Guilt by Teri

Teri — Tue, 21 May 2013 18:05:22 +0000

You are!!

Comment on Mother’s Guilt by Deb

Deb — Tue, 21 May 2013 15:44:58 +0000

Sometimes, I’m amazed my son didn’t run for the hills and stay there when he had the chance. Instead, he moved into an apartment about 7 minutes away. I cringe thinking of all the things I screwed up and he buys me flowers just because he knows I’ll like the particular shade of salmon. Go figure.

I worked through my son’s young childhood, stayed home for my girls’. Now, my gut clenches every time I think of the things I’m screwing up with them… It never ends.