When I was interviewing for my current job, the manager called one of the other guys in to talk to me. I took one look at him and knew that I had worked with him nearly twenty years before when I was recently hired from temp to assistant. He was already in a full-fledged career and fifteen years my senior. Essentially he was the age I am now.
He didn’t remember me as we only had passing dealings and he left a month later to work for the company he still works with, my new one.
At a separate company, the one I just left, when I told the manager who I worked with he began laughing and told me that was the company he had managed before coming to this company. He managed the very division, ten people, that I just left. We never met. But the people at my old job were hired by him.
Time and space are overlapping at this new job. I don’t know if it’s my age, but I am finding myself surrounded by these sorts of coincidences on a daily basis. Granted I’ve worked for some large corporations and the business I’m in is very, very specific. But isn’t it something that a man I knew briefly at the very start of my career, would be my partner twenty years later?
That a man who hired all of my old co-workers, switched firms and then hired me away from them?
Now is where it gets truly strange. Everyone I’m surrounded with is at the top of their game (pardon the cliché). But they aren’t cocky (which is the norm in this business), they aren’t mean, and don’t cut others down for sport (once again, occupational hazard). They are all really friendly, and generous, people who say “Good morning” when you come in for the day, and ask if you want to go in for lunch, a really great group of people.
Here’s the strange part (keeping in mind the other coincidences), there are two personality types that I have difficulty with, and they aren’t the norm, just two types that undo me. I am in direct contact with something that most people wouldn’t be phased by, but normally would have me unnerved. Every single day.
But it doesn’t this time. I watch them, and look for lessons as to what I’m supposed to learn that I haven’t quite gotten yet. I can’t help but think that is it, that I am put in this very strange situation because I can’t move forward until I get this, and I’m not going to get it until I can move past it once and for all.
Weird, no? I mean, these are NOT common traits. I have met very few people who behave in these certain ways other than the originals, if you will. And now every day, there I am. There we are.
It reminds me of writing. You can run from the scenes that scare you, the scenes that you just don’t have the chops for yet, but you’re going to keep coming up against them one way or another. You can’t keep running because it only weakens your book. The only way to grow stronger is to keep at it until you get it.
As I just read in a book, the bone is strongest where the break has healed.
wait…did you mean to blog this or send it in an email to me?!!! because i’m pretty sure you’re pointing your finger at me after every word in those last few paragraphs.
(i like how your new position has you opening up to whatever it is you’re supposed to be learning.)
Josey,
A dear, dear friend sent me a book and I’m telling you…it really reframed the way I’m seeing every encounter, all of the stuff that I would blow off before or turn into something I had to get away from, I’m not necessarily embracing but more…removed? Like I’m an observer and I finally get the joke.
And yes, it’s directed at both of us! No one said it would be easy but it sure as hell will make us stronger.
It sounds like you’re in a really good place and a healthy frame of mind, Lyra. You seem to be handling the changes and these two personality types with aplomb. I’m thinking maybe you’ve already learned the lesson.
Thanks, Averil. The thing that I’ve realized is that I haven’t figured it out yet, but it’s a leap for me not to run.
I know exactly what you mean, the constant running into the same people, literally and/or figuratively. Like the universe is screaming at me, “Deal with this!!”
I have to ask…. Are all of thaws super successful people, men? I’m guessing they are not women, women who still make less than men for the same job while also trying to have a family? I just spent time with a group of very successful men and all I could think was, their wives all look miserable. I know I’m generalizing, but it’s what it felt like.
Those. Not thaws. Effing iPad.
Behind every successful man is a woman thinking “I didn’t sign up for this.”
So fucking true, Deb. So bummed I missed you this trip!
Thee universe is screaming, yes! And I finally took off my earplugs and running shoes.
Yes, you do sound like you are in a good place, Lyra. You wanted change and you made it. Very admirable.
Deb,
I feel like I’m doing the prep work for a gourmet meal. Nothing has been made yet but I just figured out that turning on the stove won’t be enough.
To borrow Averil’s schtick, it sounds like your kaleidoscope are making new patterns.out of the same shards of colored glass. And now you can interpret those pieces from a place of relative peace?
Should I give up metaphors completely?
Anyway, you are brave and wonderful and full of good, if difficult, advice. I don’t know how to fi some of my breaks, but maybe I can write from them?
Love, Sarah. The glass metaphor is fantastic. I’ve just dropped a stained glass window that was too heavy and decided to make a mosaic with it. Except I have no idea how, yet I can envision it.
That was what I liked about the book. It didn’t dredge up ancient history but rather worked from the place of fixing the way you see/handle things because of your past.
Send me the title, please?
I can’t help but think that these changes came at the right time for you. Things seem to be lining up AND you’re taking the active role, not just letting things happen (not to imply you did before). You’re seizing this opportunity.
xoxo
Dear Lyra,
I also agree that we grow into situations that define us. Sometimes it’s even allowed to sit back, stop spinning and allow the glow to take hold. A lovely post. And yet – I hear Teri about the wives off stage, living lives in turn that are defined by the breadwinner. As Socrates said, the only way out is to Know Thyself.
Xcat
“The only way to grow stronger is to keep at it until you get it..”
Oh man. You said it.