My brain is scattered so please to enjoy…
- After seven years with the same company, my last day is tomorrow. They are making it easier and easier to know I made the right decision.
- After working with one person for four years, a true friendship, I’ve realized that I’m picking arguments with him because I’m going to miss him. I push people away when I know things are going to change. No matter how evolved I think I become, I’m really just a girl sometimes.
- Went to the Mississippi Palisades for Father’s Day to hike around. While on a skinny path, with a steep embankment, my daughter yelled “You have a spider on you!” to my son who almost toppled over. New family rule: You may not yell “Spider!” when on paths where you can plummet to your death. Thank you.
- While driving the three hours to the Mississippi River, I was reading A Thousand Acres by Jane Smiley. Imagine reading an awesome book, while being surrounded by the same farms she was writing about. Surreal. I haven’t seen the movie but it turns out, that it was filmed in a place that we passed.
- Reading said book has given me pause. Her writing is clean and simple, yet she builds and builds while still making you turn the pages for what will happen next. She writes big and succinct, somehow simultaneously.
- Sometimes the idea of getting my book to where it needs to be is so daunting it seems insurmountable. I try to convince myself that hard work can accomplish anything, but then I secretly wonder if it isn’t the case that some people just have it. I wonder what her first writings were like.
- Someone should put together a book of wonderful author’s drawer novels. It would be called There’s Hope For You Yet…
- I’ve been watching the first season of Mad Men and find it fascinating to see the characters before I knew them. I wish we could go back to dressing like them.
- I’m equally terrified and excited about my new job. I’m worried about getting deeper into my field and further away from writing.
- Sometimes the idea of running away is so appealing until you remember that you’re always with you wherever you go.
- Saying you can’t do something doesn’t soften the blow in case it’s true. It makes it true. Say you can and try it even if you fail. Work hard to prove yourself wrong.
- Figure out what your dream is. If you don’t know, how will you know where to aim.
- Go forth and write something. Even if it sucks, you’re getting better by the sheer act of writing and you are stilling your thoughts. Still thoughts are a gift, and not my forte. I better go write.
Love.
Work hard to prove yourself wrong.
This is my new mantra.
Happy changes, Lyra!
It’s a good mantra. Show me what you can’t do. Go on. I double dog dare you.
Lyra, my dear! Where have I been? Your last day? A new job? I have been away too long and I’ve missed so much–but I’ve returned to find a very calm and collected woman, confident of her new plan, and I am absolutely thrilled for you. I’m heading north to Maine tomorrow and I’ll be thinking of you closing this one door to open another, wider and bigger, I am certain of it. When I get to the beach, I promise to blow some magical sea air your way.
Sending you a great big hug as you begin your next journey, my friend.
Maine. Oh Maine, how fantastic. I read this book once about an island in Maine…and there was gumbo, and the ocean, and what a story!
Calm and collected?? Oh Erika, your optimism knows know bounds. I look forward to that magical sea air. If you wouldn’t mind, please time it for a week from today. I’ll need all the magic you can spare.
I ran away my whole life and you’re absolutely right. You can’t ever get away from yourself. The only difference is the you that’s with you is more fearful than the one you left behind.
I keep hoping that the one I’m left with is the one closer to who I want to be. A girl can dream!
Yesterday I remembered, again, how fucking huge books are and how much work they take. However, I’m deep enough into one that I can realize that. Progress? Just keep on going, my friend!
Yes! Onward we all go, hopeful that it’s better than we think it is. And if not, you know what? We become better by the act. Plus, imagine all of the trouble we’d all get into if we didn’t have writing to keep us occupied.
“Saying you can’t do something doesn’t soften the blow in case it’s true.” I need to post this in a very visible place….
I went to the AWP session about writing epic/expansive novels. Smiley said some interesting things, but when someone asked her for tips on HOW to write such a big novel, she was at a loss…it didn’t seem to be something she could explain (or thought she should explain). I can completely see why.
Big changes like new jobs are a very stressful time. Or at least they are for me. I’ve been known to make myself sick and/or have panic attacks over such things. I also need to post a FOR GOD’S SAKE, CALM THE HELL DOWN note on my wall. In any case, good luck! I hope you gave yourself at least a few days off between jobs?
Yes! How fantastic was Smiley? I know!
You and I are sisters in the panic, Laura. If you could have seen me in manic waves over the last few weeks. Finally, my husband who is all things calm and patient in these matters told me, it’s just a job. Oh. Right. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in a panic default mode, that the obvious slips on by.
I can’t even believe I missed Jane Smiley. I’ve read A Thousand Acres a few times, but I’ve listened to it no less than 20 times on audio. It’s like watching a slow-burn and waiting for the explosion. I use it as a guide for my own writing.
i have to read a thousand acres. it keeps showing up all over the place, conversations, here, auto-generated reading lists, on and on.
your list sounds a lot like if i finally had written something. i’ve got to get out of my shell of comments only. today. i will write something today. (thank you for the push.)
enjoy your space between your last day and your first day. stretch them out. and try not to think of it as getting further away from writing, but doing what is necessary to see all of your parts through to their full potential–you’re for sure a writer, but you’re more than a writer. you have so much you can do and accomplish. this new career path is an opportunity to fulfill one of many accomplishments you will achieve in your life.
You are officially my life coach.
And you should read A Thousand Acres. There is something she handles so quietly…I’m reading it like a How-to-write book. Must-read for you, Josey.
“Sometimes the idea of getting my book to where it needs to be is so daunting it seems insurmountable.”
Uh huh.
Good luck with the new job! Good riddance to the old one.
Thanks, Downith. If you only knew the things I had found out recently with the old job. I should thank them for taking the sad out of it!
I love this list. Can I say I love this list?! If even half of the honesty you put on this blog is in the book you’re writing, you’re already well on the right path. I’m workshopping this week. 12 pieces. All parts of books people are writing. And I’m telling you your blog posts are better than most of these books!!! (I’m sure I’ll go to hell for saying that, but I’m already going there anyway so, well, fuck it.)
Sometimes I think we work in such isolation on our writing that we think everybody else out there is far, far ahead of us. The lesson I’m learning this week is: that’s bullshit.
I first read this post last night right before I went to sleep — I had a hard time dozing off, imagining your daughter screaming “spider!” and your son ….. oh my god …. your son on the edge of that cliff.
As you would say, my friend, Love.
Like Teri, I’m insanely afraid of heights. Just the image of your son toppling over the cliff . . . Jesus. Palpitations.
XO
today, i dropped my son off at daycare and it’s “water” day, meaning they have these tiny plastic toddler and inflatable pools and a sprinkler system for the kiddos to play in before lunch. i get nervous just looking at these baby pools–knowing that he’s going to be around water without me nearby. as i dropped him off with the owner of the daycare i said, “he’s so excited about today. i on the other hand get nervous just looking at the pools. you know me. the mom who worries too much.”
somehow,i feel like if i say something, then he’ll be okay.
Teri,
The level of belief you have in me. I am without words. Love.
The rest of the cliff story? I am deathly afraid of heights. We were up and up and up and I started to quietly panic. I began the adrenaline sweat, the first sign I need to get the hell out of there. My son saw the sweat, the intensity of my expression along with my silence (fear is silent for me), and starting moaning “I’m scared, I’m scared, let’s go back.” I saw all the things he’d miss if he let fear run the show. I levelled my voice and said, “Of this? Let’s go.” I passed him confidently, and held my breath until we reached the top of the small section. He was scared but proved to himself he could do it. I think. Who knows? I guess I just don’t want my fears to become his. The only one who knew was my husband, who I made sure was hanging on to the three year old, scared of nothing, his father’s son.
Oh, but it should be noted that was BEFORE the spider incident…I still see that moment in slow motion.
If you were here you’d be the star if the class!
I too often wonder what wonderful writers’ first writings looks like. I recently heard of a reading in which famous writers roasted themselves by reading aloud from their earliest works. I so wish I could have been there. Good luck to you, Lyra, in your new work situation. Bigger and better for you, I’m sure.
Can you imagine Rushdie roasting himself? Or Zadie Smith? Or Franzen? We would sit in the front row for that one, Anna, even if we had to camp out all night to get the seat.
Here’s my thought – if taking this new job eventually creates the financial breathing room so that you can pursue your dreams when the kids are older and you’ve had years to write and write, then this was a very good move.
I have faith that you will never let the writing dream go.
I appreciate your faith in me, Lisa. I was discussing with my husband last night about how I could never write another word and just be a reader for the rest of my life, content with the books that are already written.
I’m hoping that the new job helps the finances, and that I don’t get so pummeled every day so that I’m ready to work when the kids go to bed instead of counting the seconds until the first glass of wine…
Good luck Lyra! I know you are strong, your resourcefulness is astounding. Be well xxcat